"Mike, Dallin needs help on the potty.  And because they are boys, you have to take care of all issues from the waist down."

Mike: What should I do with this stack of your important papers? Should I just put them on the other stack of your important papers that you say you are going to go through?

Setting: Sitting on a park bench with Mike laughing about something he said.

Weston yells over to me from the playground, "Mom! What are you smiling about?"
Me: Weston, when have you ever seen me sitting next to your daddy and not smiling?
Weston: oh.

And he runs off to play.

Stranger: 3 boys! Are you going to try again for a girl???
Me: no. no. no.
Mike: Unless one happens to sneak by...
Me: What?!?
Mike: We'll see how good of a "goalie" you are. 
Me: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!?!?!?!

So, I'm all upset because I had to yank another gray hair out of my head. To make me feel better, Mike starts trying to convince me that I am, in fact, old. One example he gave, "Your friends in high school that got pregnant, now have teenage children".

Just quietly watching the Olympics when Mike starts arguing with the swimming commentators: "NO, I'M THE BEST BREAST STROKER IN THE WORLD!!!" *sigh*

text to Mike: Do you think you can stop off on your way home from work and get a vasectomy?
Mike: Bad day???